doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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