If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
