GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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