bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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