No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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