Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Still dying that you shit outside
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
