For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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