I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
