I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you didnt know i had herpes?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
