I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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