I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
