You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
