Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
