the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
