I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
