About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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