So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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