Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
