she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize
