dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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