when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
