i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
