can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
