I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
