PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
