Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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