Only a mothe r could love this liver
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
