im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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