my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
