yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
