i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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