we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
