I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
