Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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