my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize