I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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