Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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