there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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