I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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