He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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