Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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