I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
