Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry Omg_te_amo_yo hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.

(405): View more from Oklahoma

And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.

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(785): View more from Kansas

We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.

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(660): View more from Missouri

There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK

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(816): View more from Missouri

TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.

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(816): View more from Missouri

the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight

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(206): View more from Washington

He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean

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