I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
