i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
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