Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
