sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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