Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
