i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
