i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I did not marry a roomba.
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