meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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