the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
