did you get engaged???
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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