My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
