I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
They are going to name an STD after you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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