Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
