I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
