Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
