I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize