she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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