He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
