i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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